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40 day fast

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miserable own will. day 4

 photo by P'

miserable

miserable we came out of nowhere wygrzebaliśmy się jak nędznicy znikąd

to become a staliśmy się

the most cherishable najcenniejszymi

judges of the angels sędziami aniołów

unperishable nieprzemijającymi

for aeons to be remembered na czasy zapamiętani

to witness aby świadczyć

unpredictable became the known as it is nieprzewidywalne stało się poznanym

but You are known as One ale przecież Ty jesteś znany jako Ten

who specializes in turning things specjalista od przewrotów

upside down do góry nogami

photo by Cognitive Ambition

own will

Was it actually for Me that you fasted? Zech 7:5

I started reading Isa 58 passage, and stopped on the last part of verse 3, where I camped for about... 6 hours. It starts with:

Behold, in the day of your fast

and then follows with (different translations)

you seek your own pleasure

you take the chance to do your business

you pursue your own business

you find your desire

you do as you please

to please yourselves

you think only of yourselves

you do what you want to do

your own will is found

The last one strucked me the most. It's from Douay-Rheims translation. Fasting should be seeking God for Himself, not proving a point to others or God (which does not make sense anyway). It should afflict the soul, expressing true sorrow for sin, get away with pride, covetousness, malignant passions. Isa 22:13 points to indulging in sensuality and pursuing one's own desires during fasting.

Affliction means: to be put down, become low, to be downcast, depressed, to stoop, to humble oneself, to be humiliated, to weaken oneself and submit. Afflicting should bring real pleasure and diminish our corrupt nature.

I need help. My own will must submit.

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40 day fast. day 1

We (IHOP-KC) are entering into a 40 day fast period, which is exciting and scary. My spirit jumps up, my flesh screams loud. My refrigerator is full, I still have to cook for the kids, which is the hardest part of it all. The smell of food is always alluring... Anyone volunteering to cook for my kids, while I fast, meditate, pray and "go up"?

I am planning to be in the prayer room 2-4 h a day (possible only, because homeschool is done and my American husband has a different schedule as of tomorrow), get rid of few bad habits, fall in love with the Lover of my soul (see Song od Songs), continue decluttering of my house, host few people over in my house, write some extremely spiritual pieces about prayer, fasting and inner life with God and some phenomenal poems, plan the next homeschooling year... and to survive 6 weeks with the kids in a hot and humid summer time.

As with some serious spiritual challenges like prolonged fasting, I had a dream, in which the "spirit of death" was trying to kill me. Nice wake up.

Then... I had a dream about IHOP's prayer room. The chairs in the back section were changed to dark red cinema/airplane looking seats, where you can slightly unfold them, and sit in more comfortable position. The lights were dim, and it was unusually quiet there (as for the prayer room). Is that an invitation for me to rest in His presence?

Interested in 40 day fast? Read this.

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